Hey y’all this is my latest blog. It’s a small, vulnerable glimpse into what the Lord has been teaching me the past few days. Hope you enjoy it!
Here I am sitting in my tent. It’s Thursday night. Today’s been quite the journey. I woke up early, and walked to the porch to spend time with the Lord. I began asking Him why I didn’t feel close to Him. We began talking as we do, and He said in a small whisper, “Haley, your pride is in the way.” wow. How convicting, right? yeah, that one hurt.
That’s such a hard truth to hear. That morning the Lord showed me that pride had filled a big part of my life. I realized that I had put a lot of my identity, a lot of pride in being in leadership positions. The Lord asked me that same morning, “would I (God) still be enough even if you couldn’t lead.” wow. That’s when He really started to break down the walls that held the platform I had put myself on. When I really started thinking about the question the answer was no. I had too much pride in the roles I’d been given and the praise I received, and not nearly enough trust or reverence for the Lord. He broke me. He was tearing down those walls, taking me down off that platform, and rebuilding them to place Himself on it.
As I started giving my pride over, it left a big hole, I was left feeling empty, and the Lord told me to fill it with Him. So the Lord and I began the process of seeking out every prideful part of me and filling the emptiness with Him, because that’s the only way to grow closer to Him, and that’s what I want because there’s nothing better. Feeling the Fathers unending love, grace, and holiness is worth everything, especially laying down my own selfish desires.
The next fews days were hard. I really wrestled and struggled with the Lord. I came to a place where I didn’t even know what I was supposed to do. Who am I without my pride? How do I move forward from here? How can I serve others and the Lord? These were the questions I asked myself and God over and over. I didn’t have an answer, and the Lord wasn’t giving me one. I felt like I was walking around without a purpose. I felt empty.
But, as always, the Lord is so incredibly faithful. On Saturday afternoon I came upstairs to our big squad room (aka upperroom). I put my headphones in and was just pleading with and asking the Lord all of those questions above. He brought me to 1 Thessalonians 5. This is what part of it says,
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up as you are already doing… comfort the discouraged, help the weak, be patient with everyone… pursue what is good for one another and for all… Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in everything; for this is God’s WILL for you in Christ Jesus….Hold on to what is good….Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely. And may your whole spirit, soul, and body be kept sound and blameless…”
What a declaration. What a joy. He’s leading me into servanthood. He’s leading me into sanctification. He’s leading me into making Him more than enough for me. He’s telling me to be a joyful, encouraging servant of Him because living life with Him is an honor. In this moment, He took away my striving to be a leader, and He brought me into complete surrender. He brought me into simple obedience. And, into trust that it will be so good, because it’s saying yes to Him and becoming closer to Him. He woke me up and started to sanctify me into the person He created me to be, a person of service, not of pride. In the following days He’s continued to teach me beautiful truths. He’s whispered promises of joy, hope, love, sacrifice, selflessness, servanthood, and beauty. He’s whispered promises of freedom in Christ, freedom from my selfish ways, and freedom to live a life of abandon, abandon for the Lord. I am not the same girl I was a week ago. He’s made me new, washed my dirty feet and cleansed the deepest part of my heart. Right now, I am not the girl that jumps at the chance to be in charge as I’ve been in the past. I am not the girl that strives with everything in her to be a leader. Instead, God has transformed me. He’s turning me into the girl that jumps at the chance to be a joyful spirit and the girl that strives to be a servant. He tells me to pray unceasingly. He’s transforming me into someone that loves Him and His people so much that there’s nothing I love more than getting on my knees to serve them.
He’s making Himself into my first love, and that’s something to celebrate!
Much Love,
Haley Kretz
It’s not easy exposing the things God is doing in our lives. Thank you for be humble and open to sharing. He is faithful.
Haley,
Your heart for Jesus is evident and your blog bold and vulnerable. I am challenged! And so grateful that God is never finished with His sanctification process in any of His children. Thanks for sharing. (Katherine’s Mama)